I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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