I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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