i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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