I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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