I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
