I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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