We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
