It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
