I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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