Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i don't like sucking hair
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
