if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
