Don't you send me to vm
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
