She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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