the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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