She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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