If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
