there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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