friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
