i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
