Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
