Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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