why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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