your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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