I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
