I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
