I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
