and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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