I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
