I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
