Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
