Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
