Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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