I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think I just sharted jello shots
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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