So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
