Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
