So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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