I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
