her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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