Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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