I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
