Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
