I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
