Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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