People with herpes should wear stickers.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
