Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
