I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
