Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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