Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
