What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
