my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
