Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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