We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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