I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
