He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
