I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Randomize
